Reggie Retro Origins

Here is the secret my avatar, Reggie Retro, has been keeping. We all wish we could go back and do things over again. Reggie believes he can. This is why…

A little while back I posted a quick bio about myself. Well, there was something I left out. An event that has made me who I am. It’s the whole reason for me wanting to go back and re-visit all the entertainment of my childhood. It’s the reason I legally changed my last name to Retro.

In the bio I called this event, “the fall”. That’s exactly what it was. I fell.

Back when I lived in Marlowe, I got drunk and decided to change my shower curtain. Sounds weird, but that thing was wicked nasty. By no stretch of even the most vivid imagination am I a proactive person. Usually the only way I get the motivation to do something is when I’m drunk. Not tipsy or wasted. I have to be in the magic middle of the two.

I’m pretty sure the curtain was just a sheet of bacteria. Fungus and crap had spread all over it and devoured fricken thing. After downing a couple of brewmamas (my own special beer concoction. I’d tell you what’s in it but you’ll probably spew chunks out your ears just by hearing about it. They’re intense.) I got it in my head to finally put up a real curtain.


Maybe I was a little more drunk than I thought because I slipped. I don’t even remember any water there.


Somehow I managed to smack my head against the dangus toilet.


When I hit the floor I ceased to be in the present. Something happened in my brain that sent me back into my childhood.


I was back in my five-year-old body, sitting on the living room floor, watching an episode of Disney’s Adventures of the Gummi Bears. Man I dug that show. Then there was a knock at the door. My five-year-old self got up to answer it before I had a chance to even realize what was going on.

As I reached for the door I started panting – either because I was excited or because I was a tubby little bastard. I swing the door open and I come to back on the bathroom floor.


My head hurt so bad I called in to work every day for the next week and a half. Until they fired me. Maybe I should have gone to the doctor. Problem with that is that money and I have never been good friends. I love the stuff. But every time I get some in my hands it flees from me faster than the popular girl from a nerd on Saved By The Bell. Medical attention was out of the question.

I nursed myself back to something like health by watching videos of TV shows and movies I watched as a kid. Things I had’t thought of in almost fifteen years. That bump on the head must’ve knocked some memories loose. All of them started flooding back to me. The more I watched them, the closer I felt to that memory of me answering the door.

You see, I had no recolection of that night. Or of what was behind that door. But the closer I felt to it, the more obsessed I became. There was something in the memory.

All my life I’ve felt as though I were missing something. Like a part of me had been stolen. The only time I feel whole is when I watch those old videos, or read some of my favorite books. Sometimes it feels like…like maybe I can go back. Maybe if I remember what happened that night I can somehow go back and do it over again. Relive a misspent youth.

I never realized how out of place I was until now.

I wasn’t supposed to be the failure I am. I was meant to be something more. And I think colliding with that toilet was actually me colliding with destiny.

So that’s why I changed my name to Retro,  moved back to Clamton, got a job at my uncle’s video store, and moved in with my pain-in-the-ass sister. I plan to turn this journey into something productive. I will rewatch, reread, and review all the wonderful entertainment from my childhood. By sharing my thoughts, feelings, and memories as blogs and videos I will be able to better grasp what is happening to me.

I gave up on my past, and now I’m going back for it.















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