Here is the secret my avatar, Reggie Retro, has been keeping. We all wish we could go back and do things over again. Reggie believes he can. This is why…
A little while back I posted a quick bio about myself. Well, there was something I left out. An event that has made me who I am. It’s the whole reason for me wanting to go back and re-visit all the entertainment of my childhood. It’s the reason I legally changed my last name to Retro.
In the bio I called this event, “the fall”. That’s exactly what it was. I fell.
Back when I lived in Marlowe, I got drunk and decided to change my shower curtain. Sounds weird, but that thing was wicked nasty. By no stretch of even the most vivid imagination am I a proactive person. Usually the only way I get the motivation to do something is when I’m drunk. Not tipsy or wasted. I have to be in the magic middle of the two.
I’m pretty sure the curtain was just a sheet of bacteria. Fungus and crap had spread all over it and devoured fricken thing. After downing a couple of brewmamas (my own special beer concoction. I’d tell you what’s in it but you’ll probably spew chunks out your ears just by hearing about it. They’re intense.) I got it in my head to finally put up a real curtain.
Maybe I was a little more drunk than I thought because I slipped. I don’t even remember any water there.
Somehow I managed to smack my head against the dangus toilet.
When I hit the floor I ceased to be in the present. Something happened in my brain that sent me back into my childhood.
I was back in my five-year-old body, sitting on the living room floor, watching an episode of Disney’s Adventures of the Gummi Bears. Man I dug that show. Then there was a knock at the door. My five-year-old self got up to answer it before I had a chance to even realize what was going on.
As I reached for the door I started panting – either because I was excited or because I was a tubby little bastard. I swing the door open and I come to back on the bathroom floor.
My head hurt so bad I called in to work every day for the next week and a half. Until they fired me. Maybe I should have gone to the doctor. Problem with that is that money and I have never been good friends. I love the stuff. But every time I get some in my hands it flees from me faster than the popular girl from a nerd on Saved By The Bell. Medical attention was out of the question.
I nursed myself back to something like health by watching videos of TV shows and movies I watched as a kid. Things I had’t thought of in almost fifteen years. That bump on the head must’ve knocked some memories loose. All of them started flooding back to me. The more I watched them, the closer I felt to that memory of me answering the door.
You see, I had no recolection of that night. Or of what was behind that door. But the closer I felt to it, the more obsessed I became. There was something in the memory.
All my life I’ve felt as though I were missing something. Like a part of me had been stolen. The only time I feel whole is when I watch those old videos, or read some of my favorite books. Sometimes it feels like…like maybe I can go back. Maybe if I remember what happened that night I can somehow go back and do it over again. Relive a misspent youth.
I never realized how out of place I was until now.
I wasn’t supposed to be the failure I am. I was meant to be something more. And I think colliding with that toilet was actually me colliding with destiny.
So that’s why I changed my name to Retro, moved back to Clamton, got a job at my uncle’s video store, and moved in with my pain-in-the-ass sister. I plan to turn this journey into something productive. I will rewatch, reread, and review all the wonderful entertainment from my childhood. By sharing my thoughts, feelings, and memories as blogs and videos I will be able to better grasp what is happening to me.
I gave up on my past, and now I’m going back for it.