True Blood: A Viewer’s Trials

True Blood is in trouble. It’s really going to have to start working for my attention, forget affection. I only have so many hours in the week, and since I don’t watch True Blood on Sundays (or much other TV until after it’s aired), it winds up falling onto the “current shows to watch this week” list. What are the other shows on the list, you ask? Well, Dexter, The Killing, Luther, Skins, and, soon, Breaking Bad. All of these new episodes take precedence over True Blood.


There are vampire experimentation camps. Which means we get to watch a lot of torture. Which is going to be awful. I’ve already had my share of torture scenes for the year (thanks, Game of Thrones).

Bill tries to stand outside when the sun rises. He bursts into flames. Big surprise. When will Bill learn that he really isn’t all that special? He thinks that just because he sleeps on pillows that look like the cover of The Great Gatsby soundtrack, we’ll associate him with greatness? Not gonna work, Billy boy.

Also, how is Andy explaining his rapidly growing children to….well, anyone? I think I missed the part where everyone knows fairies exist. So, I really want to see what happens when someone who doesn’t know Andy slept with a fairy comes along and says “What the hell is happening?” Maybe it’s just me, but if I were a True Blood fairy, I’d be running around in an outfit like Tinkerbell, and feeling pretty darn sad that I didn’t have pointy ears.

The most erotic thing to happen during this week’s episode was Eric sucking blood off of a human woman’s finger while they were lying together in a coffin. She got all hot and bothered, while Eric remained as cool as, well, a vampire (he’s dead, get it? Yuk yuk yuk.)

I can’t be sure, because this has happened so many times, but it seems that Sookie and Bill are broken up for real, now. Bill did say “You’re dead to me now, Sookie Stackhouse.” And I don’t think he meant in the vampire-y way.

I found it funny that it seems Sam can now take the time to put on pants when he Shifts…in the past, Sam was running around naked all the time, like someone on a mission to get arrested. I guess now, with Emma, he’s going to try to remain decent. More’s the pity for the viewers.


Final thoughts on this week’s episode: I think this season is going to consist of a chronicle of boring things happening inside Sookie’s house, since she’s continually told to stay put. Next week’s preview showed Sookie burning some cobbler (note: not true). Can’t wait!

2 thoughts on “True Blood: A Viewer’s Trials

  1. I absolutely hated last season. Honestly, there are two things keeling me interested in this season:

    1: Rutger Hauer is a fairy king. I love Hauer so much, and just seeing him running around with that crazy ass’d hair of his makes me happy.

    2: Lafayette is back to being sassy. It seemed that last season they portrayed him more as a drama queen than the gay guy who isn’t afraid to whip your ass. When he threatened to bust a whisky bottle over that vampire-loving guy in this episode, I smiled. That’s the Lafayette I love. And, I still miss Jesus.

    Other than that, this season has been so-so for me. I just wish Sookie would explode already.

    • I’m going to be supremely disappointed if Hauer doesn’t turn out to be a bad guy. I just have a feeling that’s a twist that’s going to come. Or, he’ll die. And when he dies, we’ll be expected to have a supremely profound reaction…so they’d better make me care about him even an ounce.

      I’m glad sassy Lafayette is back, too. Jesus was one of my favorite characters (I’m a fan of Kevin Alejandro, in general – he was in two shows I loved way back when), and my heart broke for poor Lafayette when he lost him. But sassy Lafayette can be the whole show going forward, and I’d be very, very ok with that.

      Sookie has gotten more and more annoying with each passing season, and she just feels like a pawn now. I miss what little strength she showed as a character in the first two seasons.

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