True Blood – Three is the Magic Number

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“Don’t You Feel Me” and “In the Evening” are covered in this post.

Yes, I’m going longer and longer and managing not to watch an episode of True Blood. I wish I could say it’s intentional, but it isn’t (other, better shows that I follow are also being neglected). Life can get pret-tay busy for a single girl with a demonic cat: who knew?

At any rate, here’s what you (and I) missed the past two weeks [spoilers, and so forth]:

“Tell him to get the f*ck out of my life. Forever,” says Sookie once Warlowe has expelled her father’s spirit from Lafayette’s body (cue eye roll). Ummm Sookie, HE’S A GHOST. And you and Lafayette brought him back or called him or whatever to bring him around the first time! I’d like to say the same to Sookie. In fact, I did.

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Pam and Eric levitated in order to battle one another to the death. It looked like The Matrix. I actually would’ve preferred to watch a stiff Keanu performances in one of his terrible movies over this (The Matrix and Speed are not included in this generalization. Except maybe the third Matrix film). Also, neither of them died.

Sam fought with big-haired girl (whose name, I learned in the one of the episodes, is Nicole. Later, though, they stopped fighting and instead hooked up). Sam’s always fighting with a woman. He should probably just focus on himself for awhile.

That little shape-shifting girl was returned to her grandmother, who left Alcide’s pack. She cried more about saying goodbye to Sam than she did about her mother’s death….Alcide told Sam to get the heck outta Bon Temps. Bye, Sam. Your cute border collie self will be missed.

“How am I going to remember my sisters?” asks Andy’s remaining fairy child. Andy proceeds to name all of his daughters, at this late stage in the game. Now the final daughter has four names. Makes sense.

Terry was still trying to kill himself. Arlene blamed the war. I blame the fact that he and Arlene sacrificed Scott Foley to a smoke monster. Terry was glamoured by a vampire into forgetting the war (at Arlene’s request, so he wouldn’t continue to try to find ways to kill himself), but he’d already asked a friend he knew from the war to kill him, and the dude made good on the promise. Bye, Terry.

Something was happening with Warlowe, so Sookie tied him up. They talked about some stuff…endearments, Sookie complaining about her life, Sookie becoming a vampire; you know, the usual. Then they hooked up. Also the usual. Something…shiny…happened. And that’s not a euphemism.

Bill stepped into the sun. This didn’t happen, finally:

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Too bad Godric didn’t have fairy blood in him, way back when. He was a good egg.

Bill went to the vampire prison camp to save his daughter. That was sort of romantic.

But then he ripped off this guy’s head. Not so romantic.

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In the following episode, blonde religious lady gave a monologue to that head that was nowhere near Hamlet-worthy.

That terrible blonde lady made Jason watch a vampire have sex with Jessica. “Part of our job is watching vampires do it,” she says. Is this great writing, or what?! Jessica does not actually have sex with the vampire dude at this time, but later proceeds to have sex with the him in private. If she’s going to die, gosh darn it, she wants to have sex with a vampire first!

Jason went to rescue Jessica: romantic.

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(Photo from an earlier season, but it was sort of like this.)

Jessica told him to go away: not romantic. (Jessica, why?! Did you forget what Jason looks like?)

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(In case anyone needed a reminder.)

That Nora chick died. There was a lengthy flashback before she died that showed how she and Eric met for the first time. Yawn. Then her flesh melted right off her, which was REALLY gross. Sadly, we didn’t get to see Godric during the flashback. That would’ve been the highlight of the entire season.

Eric’s the only aspect of the show that continues to intrigue me. Lafayette, too, but he’s not on nearly enough.

Lingering questions: why do Alcide and Pack sniff things while in human form? Does their ability to smell as wolves translate to their human selves? If so, why doesn’t Sam have this same ability? THIS ISN’T LOGICAL, TRUE BLOOD.

Three more episodes until end of season.

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