More machine than man, Leroy has wasted much of his adult life in pursuit of an impossible dream — to be cool. In middle school, he was shunned for wearing tight jeans. In high school, he was criticized for wearing baggy jeans. In college, he was humiliated for being the last guy to take a girl out of her jeans. It seemed that he was always behind in the times and it seemed that his hopes to be conventionally cool had been dashed.
And so our story begins…
Born the son of a truck driver and a newspaper maven, Leroy grew up a nerd. By kindergarten, he was well versed in the ways of Barney. In second grade, he knew all that was to know about the Super Mario Brothers. As the years went on, he phased into Beanie Babies (don’t you fraking judge, because you did it, too), Pokemon (always the peddler and never the player) and then into Harry Potter.
Leroy’s entrance into the magical world of Potter marked the beginning of his nerdom and the wand that summoned it was called The Internet. Many prime porn surfing hours were spent building RPG-based Harry Potter fan sites on the now defunct Expage site builder. Although the sites were an embarrassment and Leroy is relieved that they are no longer in existence, they proved to be important to his growth as a writer and his birth as a nerd.
“Being a nerd never gets you girls,” said Leroy in a recent interview. Throughout his high school career, he never had so much as a sympathy hug. But, the girl repellent that seeps from a nerd’s pores doesn’t always keep the women at bay. Leroy would meet and fall in love with a beautiful woman named Ashley while working at Big Lots.
Big Lots. Big Saving. Big Love.
Shortly after tricking that woman into marrying him in September of 2010, Leroy would adopt her son as his own and began what was required of him to help make another child to complete his family (Kids, ask your parents about this one, okay?). But, it wouldn’t be until his daughter was born that he’d have a revelation that would chance his life forever.
Before his daughter’s birth, Leroy was a raving lunatic when it came to politics. Graduating in 2010 with a B.A. in political science, he believed that politics was his true calling. He even went as far as interning at the West Virginia state capitol. Leroy was sure the public life was the life for him. But, after fours years of study and a cancerous Republican primary in 2012, he thought otherwise. “Why not do what truly makes you happy,” he thought?
It wasn’t politics that made Leroy happy anymore. So, he decided to hang up his star-spangled trousers and trade them in for a Batman cowl and a better mood. Being a long-time fan of Batman, Leroy decided to do what he always thought was certainly a social death sentence — he bought some comic books.
The comic books took him back to his early years, those filled with cheap action figures, short stories and great fun. Leroy soon realized that the boy he locked away inside long ago was the man he was meant to be. Now, for your entertainment pleasure, may I present to you Rev. Leroy Brumage: Husband, father, writer and ready to nerd.